Let me tell you something: I didn’t doubt your love for her.
I know how much you’ve loved her and I know the efforts you have done.
I know the times you fought for her and struggled to keep the relationship alive.
I know that you had plans for her and that your intentions were pure.
I didn’t doubt that.
But now, the sad days have outnumbered the good days and you spend more time arguing on the phone than actually communicating.
You both feel trapped in this draining relationship and your values and sexual purity were compromised, you know deep inside that this relationship isn’t healthy anymore.
You start thinking of the investments: all your efforts, the times you spent together and the gifts you gave her will all be going to waste if you call the relationship off.
You make an excuse to still be in that relationship because you have been with that person for a long time and you are too afraid to tell her the truth. I mean, if that’s how you define “sacrificial love” then I can’t argue with that.
But let me give you another perspective: Have you tried considering of letting her go instead of holding on? Maybe holding on is longer an option?
Here’s some eye-opening tips for your consideration.
1. DON’T BE A HOPELESS ROMANTIC.
My friend, stop forcing yourself in to her life. Stop thinking that you won’t be able to find a girl like her or that she’ll be the last fish in the sea.
Stop depending on your goal of getting married before 29.
Stop thinking of the investments you made for her. Stop reminiscing on the things you’ve done together.
Just stop it!
Because if the basis of your relationship is primarily on the number of years you’ve been together, then you won’t EVER get out of it, even if it’s emotionally draining and unhealthy.
2. RE-EVALUATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Think about your relationship and ask yourself these questions:
Do you find joy in your relationship or is it more of a burden?
Is God present in your relationship?
Are there more laughter than tears?
Is she the person you wanna be with for the rest of your life?
If you answered NO to any of the questions above.
Then you already know what to do.
Don’t be a martyr; enduring an emotionally exhausting relationship does not make you a hero.
3. KNOW THAT MARRIAGE ISN’T THE SOLUTION
Just think about it, you are miserable in your relationship now and you aren’t even married yet, how much more if you guys are? Marriage isn’t the solution to your problems. You won’t change when you’re married and she definitely won’t either. Choosing your life partner is not an easy task. You need to be very vigilant and wise with your choices. There are a lot of things to consider and you should be very picky. Don’t look for a “pwede na” girl. Look for a wife, not a girl friend.
If marriage is not the goal of your relationship then I don’t know what your purpose is for staying. If you don’t see her as the person you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with, please do both yourselves a favor and stop what you’re doing.
Save yourself while it is still early, carefully consider that the person you are in a relationship with now SHOULD be the wife you are planning to spend the rest of your life with.
4. LET GO AND LET GOD
Yes I know it sounds cliche and everything but yeah, let go and let God.
Please please please stop prolonging your agony. Stop prolonging the pain.
Stop waiting for the “right moment” to tell her the truth.
Yes there will be pain when you break up, but that pain is nothing compared to the pain you’ll be feeling when you marry the wrong person.
Stop asking for a sign! You’ll know it’s not from God when you feel a heavy and unexplainable burden inside your heart to continue on with the relationship.
If you say you trust God, this is the best time to practice it.
My friend, God loves you enough to tell you that the person you are in a relationship now is not the right person for you.
And how does He tell you, you may ask?
God uses people around you to speak to you; listen to their advice, ask for their opinion and give them the liberty to give you their 2 cents regarding your relationship.
He also uses a certain situation to wake you up and make you realize that your relationship isn’t the way He planned it out for you.
5 LOVE YOURSELF
After the breakup, take some time to focus on yourself more.
Try going on an adventure, explore new places and meet new people. Try out a new hobby and do something you are scared of doing.
Turn that pain into power. Don’t wallow in to self-pity and regret. You’ve had your fair share of learnings and that should be your motivation to improve.
Enjoy the time you have as a single person first before you commit in to another relationship. The worst thing to do is to embark on another relationship just to cover up the pain you had from the previous one (panakip-butas / rebound).
Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
A better version of you should emerge out of this journey.
DISCLAIMER: This blog isn’t for everyone. THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR MARRIED COUPLES.
This blog is specifically for those who are in a committed relationship but are no longer happy, for those who had enough second chances in their relationship and for those who tried to make it work but ended up forcefully committing themselves in a dragging relationship.
Hope you could consider this blog as something that will cause you to think before you commit.
Remember, if marriage isn’t the goal of your relationship, you might as well stop what you’re doing and get out.